Day Seven

I've had almost a whole week with Dad now. It seems like it's been forever and it also seems like it's been an hour. My life has changed so much since last Monday. We hear everyone always talk about time...manage your time, save time, give time...and it always runs out eventually.
I'm trying to psych myself up for this ending. He will be in a better place, he will be happier, he will be made whole again and the burden for those around him will be lifted, but I am still deeply sad. I love him so dearly and selfishly I don't want him to leave me behind. I don't want anyone leaving me behind, that is probably why I feel the need to keep in contact with everyone I remotely knew in my past, which also isn't possible.
He slept in today until Brian came around 11AM. Brian gave him a bed bath and washed his hair. He hasn't had a bowel movement since last Tuesday so they took him to sit on the toilet for a bit to see if that would help, no go. We did get his bedding changed while he was up and it was nice to see him out of the bed. You'd never know that he could basically move himself about 3 weeks ago. He has a terrible, terrible bed sore on his bottom, Nat made me leave the room so I didn't cry. He can't feel it so we didn't know it was so bad so now we are moving him from side to side every 4-5 hours. His face is sunken in quite a bit and he sleeps a lot now.
Tami said that we should probably stop giving him the array of pills because it is getting hard for him to swallow. She also upd the dosage on his Morphine and Lorazepam to .25cc every 2 hours. It makes him so sleepy, but he is not struggling for breathe anymore. I feel so guilty for basically druging him, but he is comfortable and that is all that matters now. He is in and out and will talk every now and again. His oxygen levels are down and he has pnemonia with his right lung very full. She said that if this keeps up he should be gone in 3-5 days. He only ate once for dinner (mashed potatoes/gravy, a couple bites of salmon and graham crackers with milk).
I am scared and sad. I miss Karl, CJay and Conner and wish they were here. My Mom came again today and we worked on getting my genealogy started up again. Nat is a pro so I might as well take advantage of it while I'm here.
I need to get some Nat King Cole CD's when I get home. My Dad has been listening to them non-stop all day and they will remind me of him, plus they are awesome! I have the night shift tonight and I need to get up in an hour to give him medication so I'd better get to bed.