The Final Day

It is 6:12AM GMT and I can't sleep. I am totally tired from the lack of sleep the past two days. Dad passed away last night at 9:42PM GMT, this is how I remember his last day on earth.
Shortly after my last post I woke up at 2AM to give him his medication. I woke again at 4AM, but I decided to not get up when the 6AM alarm sounded...I was just too tired. He wasn't too aware of me coming in, but he seemed to sleep well. His breathing was good again tonight and we wanted to keep up with the medication.
Nat got up with him at 8AM, gave him his medication and started getting him ready for some visitors. His older sister, Bula's kids were coming for a visit and we thought they would arrive between 8-9AM. Nat brushed his teeth and combed his hair and the commotion woke me up so I decided to just get up. Gavin and Zoe had woken up also, so it was a good time even though I was tired.
We waited and had our usual morning rituals of breakfast and cartoons. Dad sounded great and was anxiously awaiting his visitors. He had a long time to wait since they didn't arrive until almost the afternoon. I had been helping Nat with her Christmas cards and we checked on Dad and gave him his medicine every 2 hours. Brian arrived and Gavin was happy to see him. We have grown to love him in the last week and he was so good with Dad.
Dad had told me that he was a little hungry so I warmed up some of the mashed potatoes we still had from Marie Calendar's. I came back in with the food and Brian was tending to Dad (giving him his last shave). Then Duane, his wife and his sister Pat arrived. They are lovely people and it was a great visit to sit and talk and hear stories about Dad that I've never heard. We had to leave the room at one point so Brian could address Dad's bed sore, which was still bad. He let us back in the room and left instructions for Nat and I to keep weight off his bottom to help the sore not get any worse. We went back in the room and talked some more about memories and Nat and I found out that Dad did an oil painting of Eva Gardner that we'd never known about. From what they said, it was very, very beautiful. Nat and I would really like to see it, but they don't know where it went to. They do remember the one he did of Christ that was hanging in the Fairview chapel so many years ago. They are going to see if they can track it down for us.
Nat and I checked on Dad and set off to do some more Christmas cards. Tami came about 1PM to check on Dad. He sounded good and she was surprised at how well he was doing. It's definitely been an up and down event with his health the last week. We thought we were in for possibly another week. His oxygen was low, but good. His urine output wasn't as concentrated as it was yesterday and he was in pretty good spirits. She said he was a fighter. He still hadn't had a bowel movement so they had to do an enema, to no avail. I was seriously getting nervous about this and what we could try next. It was a sign.
JC's wife called a short while later and invited Gavin and I to go with her and her son, Calvin, to the Aquarium in Sandy. I didn't feel up to it, but told her it would be good to get Gavin out of the house for awhile. Nat left to get something at a girlfriend's house and I jumped in the shower. When I got out, I laid down by Gavin on the couch and tried to take a little nap. It was between 3:30-4PM when Nat got home. My Mom was with her as she had arrived just as Nat was leaving, so she went with her to the friend's house. Nat presented my Mom and I with cute necklaces and matching bracelets that she had had made. Her girlfriend makes them and sales them as a business. It was touching, she is so thoughtful.
I was starving so Mom and I took off, with Zoe and Gavin in tow, to get a few groceries and some fast food. We got back about 4:45, ate our food and retired to the scrapbooking room to talk and work some more on Christmas cards.
At 6PM I gave Dad another dose of his Morphine and Haloperidol and I noticed that his breathing was labored again, it worried me. I went back to the scrapbooking room and at 7PM I checked Dad again. He was having even more trouble breathing and I didn't know what to do. I gave him another dose of Haloperidol, which is used to treat terminal restlessness, and felt guilty because I had just given him some an hour before. I asked Dad if he wanted to sit up and he told me yes. I had Nat come in and we sat him up more, but it seemed like nothing was helping. We decided that in order to sleep we needed to get an Ambien in him. He was able to take it no problem.
Randy showed up about 7:30PM and he visited with Dad. Up until the end he still insisted that he wasn't going to die and that he still had work to do out in the desert. I sat at my Dad's beside. I talked to him and kept asking him if he was okay. This whole week he always replied with, "I'm fine" as he did last night. He really fought letting go. I didn't know what to do so I asked him if I could hold his hand. He held out his hand and I grabbed it. For about 20 minutes I held his hand, while he struggled to breathe. It was repetitive and a little uncomfortable because of his Parkinson's. I can't imagine how it has felt for years having those tremors. His body was failing him and had been for years.
We had a little pow-wow outside Dad's room asking Randy to talk Dad into letting go. He needed to be at peace before he would. We all went back into Dad's room and the true end began around 8PM.
We gave him another dose of medicine at 8PM and he seemed to be really out of it. He seemed very druged and I suppose he was, but I think it also had to do with his shut-down process. We were with him during the next hour. Talking, sitting, (I was crying at times) and telling Dad it was okay to go. Dad trusted Randy and he wanted him to finish his "work". Nat and I sat in the corner while Randy talked to Dad about being at peace, whether he died or not. He told him that he needed to trust in the atonement and let Heavenly Father and Jesus make up the difference for his shortcomings.
I was upset because it seemed like we could do nothing to help Dad. I couldn't stand it anymore and I asked Nat to call Hospice to see what we could do for him,this was at 8:50PM. They told us to up the dosage to .50cc's every hour of Morphine and .50 of Haloperidol every 2 hours. Deep down at this point, I knew that he would die soon.
At 9PM we gave him 2 doses of Morphine, he seemed out of it still and was getting more agitated because of the breathing. I asked him if he needed another drink and he mumbled. I thought he said yes so I gave him a drink of juice. He drank several swallows, like he didn't know he was doing it. It didn't seem to go down and he was choking so we hurried and sat him up and it final cleared his airway. This was the only time he seemed to be scared of not breathing. He was waving his arms back and forth and I could tell he was scared. We sat him up even more at this point and just sat around him in the bed. He seemed hot and sweaty to the touch.
Randy asked Dad who else he wanted to see at this time. He said all of his kids. Three of us were in the room and Darrin had visited him on Saturday. Nat decided to check her email for a letter from Curt. She came back in with it and Randy read it to Dad. I think he was glad to hear it.
Nat King Cole had been playing in the background during this whole thing. Around 9:30PM Natalie jumped up and turned the volume way up. I wondered why she was ruining such a peaceful moment and then she said, "Dad, it's grandma's song" while Ramblin Rose filled the room. During the song, Dad took a huge breath and we felt he had gone. Randy left the room and Natalie and I watched for the next few minutes while Dad's body finished shutting down. He took his final breathe at 9:42PM GMT. We were with him until he was taken away an hour later.
This experience changed my life and how I view death. I am so thankful for my beliefs and for the sweet spirit that has filled my soul during this. I believe that I will see my Dad again. I am also thankful for the gospel and the atonement.