Day Three

We all slept well last night. We stayed up late and kept Dad up late too. He seems really tired today, I don't know if that is from the Ambien or not. Nat fixed and fed him breakfast. I worked on the family finances for a few hours while the cleaning ladies were here. I just love modern technology! Karl set us up to be able to get into our home computers remotely. He is SO smart and I love it!
Brian came again today and gave him a sponge bath. Dad is so thin. He is mostly skin and bones and his feet have lost the pink color because of his paralysis. We've also noticed that almost overnight he has gotten a really bad cough with a lot of phlem. He is very weak. When he is laying all the way down he has a hard time breathing. I don't think I will let him lay down anymore all the way. It's like he is a different person than he was yesterday, so crazy. Yesterday I had hope, today it is quickly vanishing. Tami said that this is all part of the process.
He has great oxygen levels, but his blood pressure is low. We think he is getting or already has pneumonia and I can't believe it's come on so quickly. Tami said it is a blessing if he gets it and ultimately dies from it. The cancer that he has, I've heard, is one of the most painful to have and right now it probably isn't bothering him, also because of his paralysis. It will in the near future though.
I've decided to stay in his room for the most part from now on. I took some pictures yesterday and today I am doing a little video taping. It might seem morbid, but I am clinging to anything and everything I have left.
It didn't take long for Dad to pretty much kick me out of his room. The fluid in his lungs is so bad now that he has to be practically sitting upright to breathe okay. His breath is labored and I finally lost it. I told him that it was okay to go if he wanted to. He told me that he doesn't want to leave me. I was bawling, laying by his side and he kept telling me not to cry as he too was crying. He finally told me to, "Take Gavin and go to bed, please!" I couldn't help the crying, this is the most horrible thing I've ever been through. He is even harder to understand now because of the rattling of his lungs. Nat said they will eventually fill up and he will essentially drown to death. It just sounds horrible. I am so tired, but I am afraid to go to sleep for fear he will slip away by himself, alone.
Boy this is depressing reading...sorry!