The Harrison Household

Mother's Day

2011-05-11T01:00:00.005-04:00

I had a mixed bag of good and bad on Mother's Day. We finally got our family pictures done yesterday. I can't wait to see them! I was waiting for that to happen before I started Gavin on the steroids. Sunday morning we started him and it gave him a tummy ache. I've been told that it's very unsettling in your stomach and he kept saying he was going to throw up. We need to get a routine down and his body needs to get used to the medicine. On a positive note, he is really excited that he gets to take medicine everyday.
I did have a wonderful Mother's Day. CJay made me a folded 1 dollar bill ring, which was really clever. Conner gave me a pottery cup and paper book that he made at school and a card he made in church. Karl gave me a beautiful antique looking garnet ring with small diamonds surrounding it. Garnet is CJay's birthstone. He said I will probably get a different ring representing the other boys birthstones the next two years. It is our version of a Mother's Ring(s). :-) I will try to post a picture with this post soon. He is so good to me!

Happy Birthday Dad!

2011-04-15T21:58:00.003-04:00

My Dad would have turned 79 today. I decided to celebrate with an ultimate chocolate cake from Wegmans...which is a family favorite. We sang Happy Birthday and it was a sweet, touching moment.
I've been feeling pretty good the past week. When I think of the things we've faced, I am amazed that I am not in bed with the blinds closed refusing to get up. I have a strong testimony that Heavenly Father is carrying me at this time. It reminds me of that poem called footprints and it makes my heart smile. I am extremely grateful for all of our friends and family, especially my darling husband and boys. I feel very blessed. I've been asking for a few years for ways to build my testimony and know that the gospel is true...well, be careful what you wish for. I have no doubt in my mind now.
It's been just over 2 months since we found out about Gavin and I feel like it's been 10 years. I am living in the moment, enjoying every minute and concentrating on being happy. It is working!
Thinking of my Dad today...he is missed, but I feel him near. Happy Birthday Dad! I love and miss you tons! xoxo

Struggles on the Horizon

2011-04-06T22:06:00.006-04:00

Okay, this is going to be a short and very uncomfortable post. It's been a very hard year for us. They say bad things happen in three's and if that is true...I thank goodness that we've had our third!
On Valentine's Day of this year we learned that our youngest, Gavin, has muscular dystrophy. We were also given the strong impression from the doctors that is was most likely Duchenne, which is the worst kind. It was definately the worst day of my life and I've said that 3 times in the last year. Our fears were confirmed yesterday, he has been officially diagnosed with DMD.
I've been wanting to post about it for weeks, but I've been too busy denying it. It has broken my heart. But I must carry on for my children and my husband. We are finding our new normal...with lots of guidance and information from the several special needs families in our ward. I believe that we were meant to be here and we have SO much support from our friends and family.
I am learning so much and have been relying on Heavenly Father to get me through each day. I am sad that Gavin won't have the life that we wanted for him but I feel very blessed to have been given the sacred job of taking care of one of His most valiant spirits. Gavin is loved by everyone who knows him and will be his whole life. Our bodies aren't meant to last forever. It is what we learn and the bonds we form that will carry on into eternity.

PS. If you get a chance to donate to MD, please do so and think of Gavin. <3

Help! We have a teenager in the house.

2011-01-26T23:03:00.002-05:00

CJay's birthday was today and he got one of his wishes...no school! School was canceled due to "inclement weather". We got 7-8 inches of snow today and I think the county will be shut down until Monday. He received money and a model airplane from Timm, Andrea and her mother. We gave him a set of knives Karl picked up on steep and cheap last month. They are called "kiss" and "peck"...I know, strange names for knives. Conner gave him a world of warcraft mount and Gavin gave him an itunes gift card. His BIG present from us was a trip with Karl to the Higgins museum in Massachusetts. I think they will have a great time and we hope CJay likes it. I think he had a good birthday and is happy about it. I can't believe he is growing up so fast. Time does fly the older you get. The last year milestone I looked forward to was 25 when I could rent a rental car and my insurance rates dropped...that was 8 years ago!
So, we are taking suggestions on how to proceed with raising a teenager. Any tips will help...anything I'm serious!

1 Month

2011-01-14T22:31:00.003-05:00

Well, I can't believe it's been 1 month since my Dad passed. One of the first things I thought about was him. I touched my grandmother's ring that he wore for years and I did my little soliloquy. Sometimes I think he is just a phone call away, the separation seems to be getting harder. Also, we've lived in Virginia for 4 1/2 years now and I've never seen a funeral procession...today I saw one driving down the street and I had a mini break-down. Of all days, geesh!
It's been a tiring week, I am so glad it's Friday. Tomorrow is pretty booked for me though with church meetings/activities. I'm looking forward to the day of rest on Sunday.
On a better note, CJay's having a sleepover tonight and one of his friens brought a WII dancing game. I've always wanted to try one of those. I let the boys fight it out for about 6 songs...by the way, don't ever play with CJay...that boy has natural dance ability! I then got up and smoked them all! Glad to see I still have my moves..hehe. I am totally feeling it now though, maybe that's why I feel so tired. It's a great workout though. I want to try the Michael Jackson game. I'd love to get his moves down pat!

Happy New Year!!

2011-01-01T22:16:00.002-05:00

Well, it's 2011 and a year that is full of hope and promise for us. At this moment in time, I am excited!
To catch everyone up a bit, my last post was done on the day of my Dad's funeral. It was a beautiful day full of sunshine, we couldn't ask for better weather this time of year. Dad is buried at the Veteran's Cemetery at Camp Williams. It has breathtaking views of Mt. Timpanogos to the right and the Wasatch Front to the left...even more striking with snow on them. It was a lovely graveside service with a group of family and friends. His casket had a flag draped on it and taps was played by an enlisted Army officer. The flag was folded and presented to me, it was so touching. Many people shared stories and thoughts and we left, simple and to the point! I am so proud of my Dad today. I hope he was happy with the way we handled his last tribute.
We visited with as much family as we could before leaving on the 19th to return home to our boys. Christmas came in a hurry as Karl and I furiously worked to prepare. It all came together and it was a wonderful day. We are so thankful for all that we have. We are especially thankful for the opportunity we have to celebrate Christ's birth together as a family.
I was doing fine with the mourning until Christmas night when I was up late thinking of everyone I had called or needed to call to wish a Merry Christmas. Before I knew it, I had thought that I had to talk to my Dad. It hit me hard because I wasn't prepared for that moment. It is the first holiday without him and I miss being able to pick up the phone and say, "Merry Christmas!".
Today I am taking it day by day. It's been a rough week as my emotions are finally starting to let go. I believe that the many blessings I received throughout this experience helped me through, but now is the time for healing. It is day to day.
Karl and the boys worked outside in the yard today and I took down the Christmas decorations. I love having the decorations up because they are beautiful to look at. It was hard taking them down this time. We are getting rid of the tree and the ornaments this year because they are in bad shape. Seems like a great thing for a new start to the year. We had visits from Kathy Kilgannon, who is Karl's co-worker and from Karl's cousin Justus Adamson, his wife and their boy. It was wonderful to again see family and so nice to have them in our home. They are the #1 cousins in our book now. :-)

Happy, Happy. Joy, Joy

2010-12-16T01:22:00.002-05:00

So I thought it's time to bust a smile or something and stop writing about sad stuff. It's Christmas and one of the best times of the year, right?
We hope everyone is enjoying the season so far and that the Christmas spirit is lighting up your cute little faces!
We have awesome families, great kids and many blessings!

Dear Dad

2010-12-16T00:06:00.002-05:00

Dad,

I miss you and love you so much already! I hope you are smiling down from Heaven with all of your brothers, sisters and parents. I went to visit you today at the funeral home and you looked at peace, but not yourself. I put a picture of our family in with you, I hope it keeps you company in your resting place.

God be with you til we meet again.

Love, your daughter
Conni

The Final Day

2010-12-15T08:11:00.014-05:00

It is 6:12AM GMT and I can't sleep. I am totally tired from the lack of sleep the past two days. Dad passed away last night at 9:42PM GMT, this is how I remember his last day on earth.
Shortly after my last post I woke up at 2AM to give him his medication. I woke again at 4AM, but I decided to not get up when the 6AM alarm sounded...I was just too tired. He wasn't too aware of me coming in, but he seemed to sleep well. His breathing was good again tonight and we wanted to keep up with the medication.
Nat got up with him at 8AM, gave him his medication and started getting him ready for some visitors. His older sister, Bula's kids were coming for a visit and we thought they would arrive between 8-9AM. Nat brushed his teeth and combed his hair and the commotion woke me up so I decided to just get up. Gavin and Zoe had woken up also, so it was a good time even though I was tired.
We waited and had our usual morning rituals of breakfast and cartoons. Dad sounded great and was anxiously awaiting his visitors. He had a long time to wait since they didn't arrive until almost the afternoon. I had been helping Nat with her Christmas cards and we checked on Dad and gave him his medicine every 2 hours. Brian arrived and Gavin was happy to see him. We have grown to love him in the last week and he was so good with Dad.
Dad had told me that he was a little hungry so I warmed up some of the mashed potatoes we still had from Marie Calendar's. I came back in with the food and Brian was tending to Dad (giving him his last shave). Then Duane, his wife and his sister Pat arrived. They are lovely people and it was a great visit to sit and talk and hear stories about Dad that I've never heard. We had to leave the room at one point so Brian could address Dad's bed sore, which was still bad. He let us back in the room and left instructions for Nat and I to keep weight off his bottom to help the sore not get any worse. We went back in the room and talked some more about memories and Nat and I found out that Dad did an oil painting of Eva Gardner that we'd never known about. From what they said, it was very, very beautiful. Nat and I would really like to see it, but they don't know where it went to. They do remember the one he did of Christ that was hanging in the Fairview chapel so many years ago. They are going to see if they can track it down for us.
Nat and I checked on Dad and set off to do some more Christmas cards. Tami came about 1PM to check on Dad. He sounded good and she was surprised at how well he was doing. It's definitely been an up and down event with his health the last week. We thought we were in for possibly another week. His oxygen was low, but good. His urine output wasn't as concentrated as it was yesterday and he was in pretty good spirits. She said he was a fighter. He still hadn't had a bowel movement so they had to do an enema, to no avail. I was seriously getting nervous about this and what we could try next. It was a sign.
JC's wife called a short while later and invited Gavin and I to go with her and her son, Calvin, to the Aquarium in Sandy. I didn't feel up to it, but told her it would be good to get Gavin out of the house for awhile. Nat left to get something at a girlfriend's house and I jumped in the shower. When I got out, I laid down by Gavin on the couch and tried to take a little nap. It was between 3:30-4PM when Nat got home. My Mom was with her as she had arrived just as Nat was leaving, so she went with her to the friend's house. Nat presented my Mom and I with cute necklaces and matching bracelets that she had had made. Her girlfriend makes them and sales them as a business. It was touching, she is so thoughtful.
I was starving so Mom and I took off, with Zoe and Gavin in tow, to get a few groceries and some fast food. We got back about 4:45, ate our food and retired to the scrapbooking room to talk and work some more on Christmas cards.
At 6PM I gave Dad another dose of his Morphine and Haloperidol and I noticed that his breathing was labored again, it worried me. I went back to the scrapbooking room and at 7PM I checked Dad again. He was having even more trouble breathing and I didn't know what to do. I gave him another dose of Haloperidol, which is used to treat terminal restlessness, and felt guilty because I had just given him some an hour before. I asked Dad if he wanted to sit up and he told me yes. I had Nat come in and we sat him up more, but it seemed like nothing was helping. We decided that in order to sleep we needed to get an Ambien in him. He was able to take it no problem.
Randy showed up about 7:30PM and he visited with Dad. Up until the end he still insisted that he wasn't going to die and that he still had work to do out in the desert. I sat at my Dad's beside. I talked to him and kept asking him if he was okay. This whole week he always replied with, "I'm fine" as he did last night. He really fought letting go. I didn't know what to do so I asked him if I could hold his hand. He held out his hand and I grabbed it. For about 20 minutes I held his hand, while he struggled to breathe. It was repetitive and a little uncomfortable because of his Parkinson's. I can't imagine how it has felt for years having those tremors. His body was failing him and had been for years.
We had a little pow-wow outside Dad's room asking Randy to talk Dad into letting go. He needed to be at peace before he would. We all went back into Dad's room and the true end began around 8PM.
We gave him another dose of medicine at 8PM and he seemed to be really out of it. He seemed very druged and I suppose he was, but I think it also had to do with his shut-down process. We were with him during the next hour. Talking, sitting, (I was crying at times) and telling Dad it was okay to go. Dad trusted Randy and he wanted him to finish his "work". Nat and I sat in the corner while Randy talked to Dad about being at peace, whether he died or not. He told him that he needed to trust in the atonement and let Heavenly Father and Jesus make up the difference for his shortcomings.
I was upset because it seemed like we could do nothing to help Dad. I couldn't stand it anymore and I asked Nat to call Hospice to see what we could do for him,this was at 8:50PM. They told us to up the dosage to .50cc's every hour of Morphine and .50 of Haloperidol every 2 hours. Deep down at this point, I knew that he would die soon.
At 9PM we gave him 2 doses of Morphine, he seemed out of it still and was getting more agitated because of the breathing. I asked him if he needed another drink and he mumbled. I thought he said yes so I gave him a drink of juice. He drank several swallows, like he didn't know he was doing it. It didn't seem to go down and he was choking so we hurried and sat him up and it final cleared his airway. This was the only time he seemed to be scared of not breathing. He was waving his arms back and forth and I could tell he was scared. We sat him up even more at this point and just sat around him in the bed. He seemed hot and sweaty to the touch.
Randy asked Dad who else he wanted to see at this time. He said all of his kids. Three of us were in the room and Darrin had visited him on Saturday. Nat decided to check her email for a letter from Curt. She came back in with it and Randy read it to Dad. I think he was glad to hear it.
Nat King Cole had been playing in the background during this whole thing. Around 9:30PM Natalie jumped up and turned the volume way up. I wondered why she was ruining such a peaceful moment and then she said, "Dad, it's grandma's song" while Ramblin Rose filled the room. During the song, Dad took a huge breath and we felt he had gone. Randy left the room and Natalie and I watched for the next few minutes while Dad's body finished shutting down. He took his final breathe at 9:42PM GMT. We were with him until he was taken away an hour later.
This experience changed my life and how I view death. I am so thankful for my beliefs and for the sweet spirit that has filled my soul during this. I believe that I will see my Dad again. I am also thankful for the gospel and the atonement.

Day Seven

2010-12-14T02:48:00.002-05:00

I've had almost a whole week with Dad now. It seems like it's been forever and it also seems like it's been an hour. My life has changed so much since last Monday. We hear everyone always talk about time...manage your time, save time, give time...and it always runs out eventually.
I'm trying to psych myself up for this ending. He will be in a better place, he will be happier, he will be made whole again and the burden for those around him will be lifted, but I am still deeply sad. I love him so dearly and selfishly I don't want him to leave me behind. I don't want anyone leaving me behind, that is probably why I feel the need to keep in contact with everyone I remotely knew in my past, which also isn't possible.
He slept in today until Brian came around 11AM. Brian gave him a bed bath and washed his hair. He hasn't had a bowel movement since last Tuesday so they took him to sit on the toilet for a bit to see if that would help, no go. We did get his bedding changed while he was up and it was nice to see him out of the bed. You'd never know that he could basically move himself about 3 weeks ago. He has a terrible, terrible bed sore on his bottom, Nat made me leave the room so I didn't cry. He can't feel it so we didn't know it was so bad so now we are moving him from side to side every 4-5 hours. His face is sunken in quite a bit and he sleeps a lot now.
Tami said that we should probably stop giving him the array of pills because it is getting hard for him to swallow. She also upd the dosage on his Morphine and Lorazepam to .25cc every 2 hours. It makes him so sleepy, but he is not struggling for breathe anymore. I feel so guilty for basically druging him, but he is comfortable and that is all that matters now. He is in and out and will talk every now and again. His oxygen levels are down and he has pnemonia with his right lung very full. She said that if this keeps up he should be gone in 3-5 days. He only ate once for dinner (mashed potatoes/gravy, a couple bites of salmon and graham crackers with milk).
I am scared and sad. I miss Karl, CJay and Conner and wish they were here. My Mom came again today and we worked on getting my genealogy started up again. Nat is a pro so I might as well take advantage of it while I'm here.
I need to get some Nat King Cole CD's when I get home. My Dad has been listening to them non-stop all day and they will remind me of him, plus they are awesome! I have the night shift tonight and I need to get up in an hour to give him medication so I'd better get to bed.

Day Six

2010-12-13T00:47:00.002-05:00

Dad slept until after noon again today. Daniel came in early in the morning to do his maitanence work. Mom stayed over to be with me and do get some help with geneology from Nat. It was a pretty good night. I had all 3 dogs in bed with me...haha.
Nat went to church at 9AM and I stayed home to watch Dad. I could have gone to church with Karl's parents but wasn't prepared for it. I will have to go next week if I am still here. As much as I dislike having a set schedule, it sure stinks not to have one now. I kind of feel lost and I really miss Karl and the boys.
Dad didn't eat much again for lunch and I had to give him morphine at 3:15 for his congestion. He'd rather be asleep because he can't breathe very well. It makes me so sad.
I was invited to go to dinner at Karl's parents house at 4:45. Mom left at the same time and I let her take Zoe home for the night. Morley loves her and it was nice not to worry about her being at Nat's. I'm starting to feel like I am imposing even though she says I'm not.
I got to the Harrisons a little late after getting Zoe off and Gavin up from his nap. Nat let me take her car over, it is nice to drive. The Nuttalls, the Merrells, Tanya's brother, Kevin, his son and daughter were all there to eat dinner before Kevin got on a plane back to Washington state. The dinner was excellent, Tanya is a great cook! I ate a ton, I must have been hungry. When dinner was over Kevin left to catch a plane and his children left.
A short time later it was the Harrison family monthly FHE with Grandma and Grandpa Harrison and all 6 boys and their various family members. The place was packed and many of them expressed their love and concern for what I am going through. I really lucked out with joining such a wonderful family. I love them all SO much! We had a great lesson and brownies for a treat afterwards. I then asked Tanya to take a picture of Gavin and I with G & G Harrison. She has gotten a little dementia and I never know if I will get to see her again alive. I guess death is on my brain these days, go figure. One thing I've learned this week is that I will take opportunities now that I probably wouldn't before.
I asked Karl's Dad and brother to give me a blessing before leaving. It was so comforting and such a sweet experience to share with them. I feel like I just can't get enough blessings to help me through this. We left right after that. I felt anxious to get home to check on Dad. I don't want to miss anything with him.

Day Five

2010-12-12T02:07:00.002-05:00

We all slept in a little this morning, including Dad. He's been sleeping a lot because of the Morphine, which is helping with the congestion. He didn't eat very much today and it's getting harder for him to take his pills. He finally admitted to me that it is hard for him to breathe. It breaks my heart because I don't want him to hurt. I talked with him again today about letting go and how I will get through it.
A Hospice CNA came today named Daniel. He was not my favorite. You can really tell by the way people handle or leave things how they cared for them. Dad was left laying in what looked like an uncomfortable position. His shirt was changed though and he is now wearing one of mine that says "Outer Banks".
I did some more short taping today. He told me he loved me and I told him as well. My Mom came down from Logan today and is spending the night at Nat's. It is the first time in a very long time that my parents and I have been under the same roof together. It is another small gift that means a lot to me. I mentioned to him that she was here and he asked to see her. She had told me earlier that she didn't want to see him this way, but she was kind enough to be a good sport and say hello. It was an undescribable moment and one I hope I never forget.
I went to Marie Callendars tonight to get my Dad food from his favorite restaurants. He asked for Salmon with mashed potatoes and gravy and potato salad. I brought it back and he wasn't very hungry, he only ate two bites of the Salmon and told me to put it in the fridge for tomorrow night.
This whole process is a waiting game. In some ways I don't want to know how much time we have left and at other times I do, just so I'm not surprised. I am learning a lot and I never knew there was an actual process. This will be the first death that is really close to me. I had an uncle die 7 years ago to the day. Even that was a hard loss for me and we weren't that close. I am quite afraid of death, that probably means it isn't my time. Dad still says he isn't ready to die and that he has work that still needs to be done here. Wow, it just breaks my heart! I am relying on Heavenly Father to get me through this. I will be a mess when the actual time comes. I will miss my Dad, even with all the crazy he is. I love him with all my heart and soul.

Day Four

2010-12-10T16:51:00.004-05:00

I woke up in the middle of the night a couple of times to check on Dad. He was sitting straight up in bed and had fallen over both times to the side. We'd straighten him up and thankfully he was sleeping well. I was so scared from yesterday and Tami had told us that we could give him a shot of Morphine and Larazepam to clear up his lungs...but the symptoms would return. He woke up this morning late and he was breathing fine with no coughing. It was a huge relief to me.
We gave him his pills and breakfast, which he didn't eat a lot of. Then left him to rest some more.
I went up to take a shower in Nat's amazing steam shower...it was awesome! We then gave Gavin a bath in Nat's jet tub, which he is totally scared of and probably won't get in again.
My childhood best friend, Traci Boulter came over to visit with her little girl, Allison. It was so good to see her and talk for a bit. Gavin had a great time playing with her. While she was here Tami dropped in, then the phychologist Alan and Brian stopped by as Traci was leaving. We even had a visit from the Hospice chaplin. He was really nice and turned out to be Mormon, not a surprise here.
Dad's congestion got bad again towards the end of the day. I wonder if the good times are a little gift and if the tough times are preparing me for the end. It is so rough and I am still very emotional.
Dad slept a lot of the day and his eating slowed down quite a bit. We gave him some dinner around 7:30 and his handful of pills by 8PM. He went to sleep shortly after and his breathing is still labored. I've been trying to tell him to let go and that it will be okay. We talked some about the things he wants me to have. It was nice to just sit and talk. I am savoring every minute with him.

Day Three

2010-12-09T19:29:00.007-05:00

We all slept well last night. We stayed up late and kept Dad up late too. He seems really tired today, I don't know if that is from the Ambien or not. Nat fixed and fed him breakfast. I worked on the family finances for a few hours while the cleaning ladies were here. I just love modern technology! Karl set us up to be able to get into our home computers remotely. He is SO smart and I love it!
Brian came again today and gave him a sponge bath. Dad is so thin. He is mostly skin and bones and his feet have lost the pink color because of his paralysis. We've also noticed that almost overnight he has gotten a really bad cough with a lot of phlem. He is very weak. When he is laying all the way down he has a hard time breathing. I don't think I will let him lay down anymore all the way. It's like he is a different person than he was yesterday, so crazy. Yesterday I had hope, today it is quickly vanishing. Tami said that this is all part of the process.
He has great oxygen levels, but his blood pressure is low. We think he is getting or already has pneumonia and I can't believe it's come on so quickly. Tami said it is a blessing if he gets it and ultimately dies from it. The cancer that he has, I've heard, is one of the most painful to have and right now it probably isn't bothering him, also because of his paralysis. It will in the near future though.
I've decided to stay in his room for the most part from now on. I took some pictures yesterday and today I am doing a little video taping. It might seem morbid, but I am clinging to anything and everything I have left.
It didn't take long for Dad to pretty much kick me out of his room. The fluid in his lungs is so bad now that he has to be practically sitting upright to breathe okay. His breath is labored and I finally lost it. I told him that it was okay to go if he wanted to. He told me that he doesn't want to leave me. I was bawling, laying by his side and he kept telling me not to cry as he too was crying. He finally told me to, "Take Gavin and go to bed, please!" I couldn't help the crying, this is the most horrible thing I've ever been through. He is even harder to understand now because of the rattling of his lungs. Nat said they will eventually fill up and he will essentially drown to death. It just sounds horrible. I am so tired, but I am afraid to go to sleep for fear he will slip away by himself, alone.
Boy this is depressing reading...sorry!

Day Two

2010-12-09T11:18:00.007-05:00

I can't believe I've been here for 2 days already. Taking care of Dad's needs is a full time job. The hospice assistant came. His name is Brian Maddox, is very nice and I found out that we have a connection...small world. He is the son of one of my favorite teachers at West Lake, Mr. Maddox. He takes care of the stuff we can't, showers/baths, changing his catheter and moving him if needed. He really cares for his patients and that means a lot to me. The RN Tami is totally nice too and I can tell she really cares for Dad too.
Have I mentioned how wonderful it is to be at Nat's house. I stopped by the nursing home he was at for a few weeks and it was very depressing. They are always short staffed and they probably can't help the fact that they give lack-luster care to their patients. I had to pick up a bag of his medicines, he is on like 10, and they didn't even ID me or ask who I was. They just handed them over, good thing I'm an honest person.
We washed his face today with a wash cloth. He tends to get really greasy so I also cleaned out his ears. Even in his dying days he has beautiful long white hair...a full head. I will probably take a lock of it when he's gone.
He ate and drank like a champion today. Everyone keeps saying that this was his best day in weeks. Nat kept joking that it was because I was here. I am so glad that I made it here and have gotten to spend some time with him.
Randy and his wife stopped by tonight to discuss medication and we talked about all kinds of stuff. It's the first time I've met his wife and they have been married for over 2 years. He brought the few physical belonging that Dad has to his name. The most precious to me is a portrait he painted of David O. Mckay. Dad wants me to have almost everything he has left, including grandma Jacobs' wedding ring. It means a lot to me because Dad has been wearing it for years. I am kind of sentimental about those things.
We gave Dad his pills tonight and remembered his Ambien this time. I hope he sleeps better tonight. We've been trying to roll him on his side a couple times a day to help prevent bed sores. I've been told he has one from them sliding him up and down in bed at the nursing home instead of lifting him up. Right now he says he isn't in any pain and isn't on any medication for pain. He is very easy and doesn't complain or ask for much of anything. The RN says he is a sweet heart, I seem to think the same thing.

Day One

2010-12-08T19:13:00.007-05:00

I arrived in Salt Lake yesterday around 10:30AM MST. My mom and step-dad picked us up from the airport and I was tired. I had been up since 5AM EST and had 4 carry-on items plus the dog and Gavin. It was rough and I was nervous about finally getting here. My sister, Natalie, had told me to prepare myself to see my Dad because he has gone down hill quite a bit in the last 3 weeks.

After stopping in at my childhood home in West Valley, (it always seems strange going back there now that I'm an adult) my Mom drove me to Nat's house where they dropped my Dad off a few hours earlier. It is always nice to go to my sister's house. She is so nice and always treats you like you are staying in a 5 star hotel.

I was very shocked to see my Dad. I haven't seen him in 2 1/2 years and he is very thin and fraile. They said he looked better today than he has in weeks, it was hard to imagine. For those who don't know...this is what my brother Randy has posted on my Dad's condition:

My father, John Jacobs, was diagnosed 12/1/10 as having cancer in his spine. He currently is paralyzed from the navel down. The doctors say he will probably die just before, or just after the holidays. (He could live longer, but the odds are against it.) The expected progression of the disease is that the cancer will continue to spread, cause paralysis of organs, which will ultimately cause his body to fail.

He is in good spirits and lucid. Gratefully, he is ready to graduate from this life, and see all his family members that have preceded and await him. He feels God's peace and grace, and is content.

In late October, he had a urinary tract infection. He did not regain his strength, as he had after previous infections. After a brief period in early November during which he was too weak to stand without assistance, he was able to walk with assistance through 11/24/10. Loss of feeling in and motor control of his legs began on 11/27/10, which led to hospitalization, and discovery of the cancer.

Today I was able to feed my Dad, help him take his medications, wipe his eyes, help him to sit up, rub his arms and give his legs a rub down to help with circulation. (The RN said that it might be more for my comfort than for his.) I've cried a few times and so has my sister and my Dad. He has told me that he loves me and is so glad that I am here with him. There is so many emotions going through me right now and I feel like I am in the place I need to be.

The Last Days

2010-12-08T01:06:00.002-05:00

I've decided to blog about my time in Salt Lake with my Dad. It is great therapy and I want to remember every detail of it. I will start tomorrow, because I've almost been up for 24 hours and I am REALLY tired!

My memory is failing me!

2010-04-13T11:02:00.003-04:00

So, I have a new empathy for an experience my parents went through when I was little. Here's the background story...

When I was in kindergarten, my mother worked full time at Zions Bank. After school I would walk to the babysitters house. (I think of that now and it baffles me that people let their kids do that kind of stuff back then) One day, I decided that I didn't want to go to the sitters, I wanted to see my mom. I have 3 older brothers and I had been on the back roads to my mom's work several times before. To give you a picture of the distance, I walked from the 4000 W block in West Valley to the 2700 W block by the Valley Fair Mall. (roughly 2 miles) The branch my mom worked at was located around several businesses and strip malls. I was walking through the parking lot, almost to my mom's work when I saw her driving away at a fast speed. I started bawling while I was standing in the parking lot. Luckily a member of our ward owned a boot store in the area and was the one to find me. He recognized me. He took me over to the bank and we waited for my mom to get to the sitters to call her. (Can you imagine being without a cell phone, especially when an emergency arises??)
Needless to say I'm surprised my parents made it through that day. I'm sure my mom was sick with worry. I learned latter that the sitter called her to tell her I hadn't gotten to their house. That's why she took off in the car.
Yesterday, I had my own scare with CJay. I've been sitting for a friend of ours and we were just finishing his snack time. I looked at the clock and it was 4:30PM. CJay is always home around 4PM, so I looked outside to see if he was playing with Conner and the neighbor kids. Nope. I called a friend who has a boy the same age and who goes to school with CJay. Her son was home and she offered to help. She drove the distance between the school and our house while I called the school. The bus was parked and he wasn't at the school. I started to panic. I think at that point all thought processes and reasoning goes right out the window. You could have told me I'd won a million dollars and I wouldn't have cared. I called Conner over so we could pile in the car to start looking...where...who knows. I said to my friend, "I don't think he would go to a friends without telling me." Conner says, "Yes he would, he's at the Cooper's house." It dawned on me at that moment that he had asked to go to their house to jump on the tramp. How could I have forgotten? I'd left Gavin in the car Saturday and he is still saying, "You locked me in." Where is my mind these days?

The Loss

2010-04-08T20:11:00.000-04:00

Boy, it's been a REALLY long time since I've written. I was pretty good at reading and commenting on others' posts too. I'm sorry, and I will try to do better.
I just had to write, and I apologize in advance because this isn't a happy post and it's extremely personal...

We lost a baby last month. It was a day before I was "12 weeks" and we found out the embryo stopped growing a day before "9 weeks". I felt horrified and the worst part is that I carried this baby for 3 weeks thinking all was okay. We'd started telling a few people because we were so excited and just couldn't stand keeping the secret any longer.

I've wanted to have another child since before Gavin was a year old. It is difficult for me to get pregnant and for the past 9 1/2 years it's been on my mind almost daily...except when I am actually pregnant. I feel SO blessed that I have the 3 children that I do and sometimes I feel really selfish when I hear of other people's experiences that are more difficult than mine. It's a sad business and there are a lot of winners and many losses. I had taken for granted my wins. I never imagined I could lose. Most of my energy was spent on the "getting pregnant" and then I thought I was home free.

It's only been 2 weeks since the D&C and I feel at times like I am adjusting fairly well...then it hits me like a brick and I get sad. I miss our baby, I miss being pregnant and anticipating the new arrival. I dislike seeing Karl upset and confused about what to do next...he is rarely like that. I dislike feeling sad or angry when I see pregnant women or women with new babies. We are now members of a group no-one ever wants to be in, but so commonly are. I wonder why anyone ever has to go through this. I now feel their pain and mine.

I am so thankful that I was able to listen to conference last weekend. Some of the talks it seemed were speaking straight to us. I've learned that I need to look for the good in my trials and not just unhappily endure them. Such a hard concept! I know it will make me grow and help me to become stronger, but boy is it tough. I just hope that I can help others through this in the future. So many wonderful ladies have reached out to me and it has touched my life. I have resolved to pray more often and become closer to the Lord. I know that I will be okay and I'd like to think that I'll be able to raise that little spirit someday.

Until then, I love and miss you.

House and other Updates

2009-08-19T18:51:00.001-04:00

So, I've been really busy working on getting the house ready for move in...actually moving in...and then unpacking. I've painted in total 7 rooms including the kitchen, formal living, dining, Conner & Gavin's bedroom, master bedroom, CJay's bedroom and the family room. It was a lot to do in one month, but I'm glad I spent the time before there was furniture in the house. It makes it a lot easier. I found out that I am OCD when it comes to painting. I like it done just so and no one else can do it like me. Now that is good or bad...it has to look uniform!
It's been about a month since we moved in and almost all of the boxes are unpacked and it's really starting to feel like home. I am so thankful that we were able to purchase this home. I think it's the perfect house for us and we got it for a great deal. I'm looking forward to making things better every year, without spending as much money. Yes, that's right...it's time for major savings mode again. I can't believe that Karl has finally beaten that into my brain, but it is so worth it. We were able to do all the fix-ups and necessary purchases without putting anything on credit. That was not the case for me 10 years ago so I have a personal testimony of how wonderful that feels.
I've got a couple before pics posted and if I get around to unpacking the camera I will post some after shots too. I am totally thankful to my sweet sister who's expert decorating advice has made this home come to life. I'm sure we will never again live in a place that has only white walls...even if I have to get permission from the renter to paint it!
I've found facebook in the past few months and it's been really fun. It is so neat to see people who I knew from my youth and what wonderful things they are doing with their lives. It's also another great way to keep in contact with family...so keep in contact FAMILY!! :-)
My in-laws are coming into town tonight and I am in total need of a refill. My mom and sister were here in May/June and I was really sad to see them leave. I am definitely a family person, which makes living in a state 2,000 miles away on your own difficult. We do have a lot of friends in the area who take care of us and they are a blessing.
Thanks to my wonderful husband and children. I fear I have almost worked Karl to death the past month. He told me the other night that he was glad I'm not his boss because he wouldn't be a live to see the next day. I hope I'm not THAT bad.
The boys are fighting...again. Time to break it up...

All about Gavin

2009-06-29T22:25:00.000-04:00

There are a few things you should know before you continue to the main thrust of this anecdote. First, I am eating a piece of Key Lime pie as I write, before I dive into the woods for 4 days tomorrow. Guilt free pie tastes GREAT!

Second, Gavin has an unhealthy obsession with cars. He gets really excited to see cars and trucks on the road, and gets upset when cars are damaged on television. He was beside himself, totally upset at a trailer for Transformers when Bumblebee transformed from a car into his anthropomorphic form.

Today was Gavin's first trip to Sears, and he went crazy. I had to go pick up a filter for our shop vac, and we entered Sears in the tool department. Gavin took off like a shot, and all I saw was Conni trying to keep up, as he literally ran from the saws to the lawnmowers, touching and laughing at everything he could see.

I wish I had a camcorder, so that you could see for yourself this little redhead with a smile bigger than his face, touching and pushing and running as fast as his stubby legs could carry him from shiny tool to fascinating object. I thought I liked tools, but I was completely outclassed.

He didn't want to leave, and he loves riding in the car more than anything. I guess I should make that "he loved riding in the car more than anything". When at the door, Conni and I said, "Let's go, Gavin, to the car." he said, "No" and ran back into the tools section, all legs and arms and red hair. I swear, he was not that excited on Christmas morning.

Also, he threw a box of nails for a nail gun. The box had to weigh 5 pounds, and he had this enormous grin, which said "This place is WONDERFUL". I had to run to the end of the aisle to stop him from throwing a second box. That kid will be the death of my tool box, I just know it.

Finally sain enough to post

2009-06-26T14:06:00.000-04:00

So, It's been like 2 months since my last post and I am feeling pretty positive about how long I've stayed on the "non-blogging" wagon. Seriously...

We had a REALLY stressful month of May waiting for the house to close. My mom came and went, my sister came and went...4 days later we finally got the keys to the house. Yeah!! (I'll let Karl timeline our home buying experience)

It's been a week and a half and we've started the transformation. Last week we started moving boxes in. This week we spent Monday night weeding the front/side yard and planting flowers. Tuesday we had the sump pump system replaced, fios installed and the new washer/dryer and fridge delivered. Tomorrow we're having drywall work done and then I can start painting! I am excited and a lot overwhelmed at the painting that needs to be done. I think it will definitely complete the house for us.

The kids are happy to be on summer vacation. It's only been 5 days and I'm ready for MY summer vacation away from them! CJay is preparing to leave for Salt Lake City on Monday for 3 1/2 weeks and I am not looking forward to him being away. I know he will have a great time though and that's what matters most. Conner is asking to take swimming lessons along with his weekly fencing lessons with Karl and CJay. Gavin is getting into everything and he's quite a bit OCD. He is the neatest little boy I've seen. I am really enjoying being home with him. I think I missed a lot of CJay and Conner's childhood when I worked.

Words of Advice: Part 1

2009-06-17T13:11:00.000-04:00

Always question whether your actions lead to your desired results. Then question the worthiness of your desires.

I was pondering on self-correcting behavior, and if I had one piece of advice to give, that would be true for a lifetime, what would it be. Specifically, I was aiming this at my children.

Also, Mom asked me to detail our housing struggle, so you have THAT to look forward to.

Yes, I realize I ended that sentence with a preposition, which now allows me to quote Winston Churchill, when it was pointed out to him that he had done the same:

"This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put."

Stop and Smell the Flowers

2009-04-19T22:02:00.000-04:00

My sister Nat has been in town the past week for a visit. We have had SO much fun! Today we took these pictures outside our townhome. (Yes I planted them with my own two hands!)

Home Sweet Home: Part Deux

2009-04-16T09:15:00.000-04:00

We received a ratified contract from our lender last night...it's now official!! My sister Nat and I are heading over today to discuss plans for decorating, how exciting! I won't pinch myself until I'm standing at the front door holding the keys...

A story about Amish cheese...

2009-04-16T08:38:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is with Amish cheese, but I swear it has a mind of it's own!!

It all started last year. We stopped in at one of our FAVORITE places in Northern Pennslyvania, The Shillig House! Where we used to live has several Amish communities in the area and the Shilligs have become good friends with a number of them. From what I've observed, most familes develop a specialty and everyone else in the community comes to you for the need you speacialze in. One particular family, which I only know as "Annie's", has a small store in their basement. Every other Thursday they receive cheese sold in large bricks/logs or any quantity you want them to cut for you. We bought a fairly large quantity, this particular visit, which is way cheaper than you'd get at the store and is awesomely good! We put it in the Shillig's fridge until we left and...you guessed it! We forgot it. I was so sad that I almost asked them to ship it to me, FedEX. :) (YW Troy) Needless to say, I'm sure they got a lot of use out of it so it softened the blow, a little.

A couple weeks ago, we decided to take another trip up to Genesee and by goodness, I was getting and bringing home my cheese this time! We went to the Amish store last Saturday, which is really cool btw, and I got about 3 lbs of Colby Jack cheese in a 1ft long log. I was so excited! We got back to the Shillig's and I put it in their fridge and told everyone to remind us to take it home. I even wrote myself a little note for packing time. Julie was cooking Easter dinner Sunday and was shredding her cheese in the food processer. I thought that was a great idea and asked if I could shred some of ours. I got it out and started shreddin'. I did half the log and put it all back in the fridge.

5 o'clock came and it was time to leave. Karl had already set the cheese bag by the door and it made it into the car...whoohoo! Unfortunately this tale doesn't have a complete happy ending so stop now if you are sqeamish. On the 6+ hour drive home Conner started in just after the first hour by saying that he felt sick and thought he might throw up. We turned off the video he was watching and had him close his eyes...it passed. Gavin hadn't slept well for his nap that day and didn't eat well at dinner just before we left. He was fast asleep through through all of Conner's drama. We had just gotten out of a state forest, Gavin woke up and within 15 minutes was throwing up all over himself and his car seat. Karl immediately pulled over and we tried our best to clean up the mess...gross! We wrapped all the soiled things in a blanket CJay brought and realized that we needed a bag...the cheese bag! CJay dumped all the cheese out and after about 20 minutes, we were on our way again. Needless to say Gavin had a couple more episodes for the duration of the drive and Karl's neat packing job was a total mess.

We got home, finally, and we unpacked the car. Karl came to me and said, "I can't find the rest of the cheese log, did you bring it in?" I hadn't and we re-checked all our bags and the car. Gone. The only thing we can come up with is that it must have rolled out of the back of the 4Runner sometime during the trip. Long story, short...we still haven't gotten home with all of our Amish cheese. We'll try again next time. At least I still have the bag I shredded, right?!

Home Sweet Home: Part 1

2009-04-10T10:15:00.001-04:00

We put an offer in Monday morning on a house in Leesburg, VA (about 7 miles NW of Ashburn). We received a call from our agent last night and she told us that they want to work with our contract...Yipee!! We are so excited! There were 6 total offers and I seriously didn't think we'd get it.
My sister will be in town next week and hopefully she can give me some advice on decorating. More to come...

Dear Uncle Matt

2009-04-01T15:05:00.001-04:00

CJay wrote this in church Sunday and I thought it was really cute. Matt, I can send you the original if you'd like it. I have typed it exactly how it was written...

Dear Uncle Matt,

Your one of my favorite uncles. We had to do this in church...well ty for coming to our house. It was really fun. I'm also starting viola in middle school! I also got a AWSOME new game called Pokemon Platinum! LOVE YA!!

Love, CJay

BTW Your the best!!!

How much is that toddler in the chassis rack?

2009-03-30T08:14:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, Karl and I are professional geeks by trade. Much to my horror and surprise, a few years back his work was getting rid of some old equipment and Karl brought home this "gem" as he put it. Now, usually I don't care what kind of computer related equipment he brings into the house, but with our limited space these days...this one was hard to take in.

We've managed to incorporate it and Gavin has found another good use for it...his own personal "hiding" place. As you can see from the picture, he isn't getting much hiding done. :)

Most Exciting Trip EVER

2009-03-23T11:49:00.000-04:00

I had to fly to NYC to discuss some ongoing litigation with a group of lawyers at the Time Warner building on Friday. To get there at 9am, I woke at 4:45, went to the airport, and waited until my flight was delayed. Then, I was moved to another plane, which sat on the runway until 10:30, because of snow in New York (check it out, it really did snow). At this point, I finished my reading material for the trip, and started contemplating an eReader, maybe a Kindle2, because being stuck on the tarmac with nothing to read really, really sucks.

The landing was okay, but I think we might have blown a tire when the pilot locked the wheels. I guess La Guardia has a short runway.

I was very grateful to see the driver at the baggage area, because we were so late. I had dutifully informed my hosts of the flight change, and I was glad to see they had changed the arrangements to meet my schedule.

I arrived at the building at 12 sharp, and initially couldn't get into the conference room because everyone was out to lunch. We plowed through a day's work in half a day, then back to the airport, after a stop at a bar in the building (yes, at that point I was pretty tempted). No further travel mishaps, and I got back to the house at 10PM. Total things seen on my trip:

2 airports
2 cars
1 building

Oh well, at least I got a key lime eclair.

Funny Things They Say

2009-03-18T08:45:00.000-04:00

We were taking pictures the other night at dinner. (Gavin had eaten a big piece of chocolate and it was oozing out of his mouth.) After I would snap his picture he would say, "Nice". The first time he said it I thought it was an accident, then after 5 or 6 pictures I was laughing. I don't know where he picked that up, but it's pretty cute!

He's also started to express his feelings a lot more and with more than one word. We were walking outside last night to go get CJay from scouts and he said, "It scared me". I don't know what exactly scared him, but I thought it was cute anyway.

A dig on me or a dig on him??

2009-03-17T12:41:00.000-04:00

Karl stayed home from work today to fix some plumbing on our kitchen sink. He needed to take a trip to Home Depot to get some supplies and we all decided to tag along with him (Conner, Orion, Gavin and me). We'd spent an hour in their getting the one thing we needed and 12 others we didn't. On our way out something caught Karl's eye and I heard him say, "I think I'm in love." I turned around to see what he was talking about, which was tool related, and I said, "You're in love with..." and then I stopped and looked at the brand name on the screw driver set which just happened to be Husky, but what came out of my mouth was "Hussy". He said "Yes, yes I am." We both laughed and wondered if that was a bad reflection on him or me. I only now realized that I'd read it wrong to begin with so know I feel REALLY silly!

On a side note, Karl just finished the sink and it works like a charm...no leaks. :)

My whole family is adopted

2009-03-13T20:22:00.000-04:00

My whole family must be adopted. We have nothing in common.

We had to do some grocery shopping, and Conni hadn't decided on dinner, so I suggested that we could have some family fun time while shopping. We would go to the best grocery store in the world (Wegmans), and I told everyone they could spend $5.00 on whatever they wanted for dinner while we shopped. We would then come home and cook it. My meal (some things were already in the fridge):

Parmesan Peppercorn baguette with a little smoked cheddar, some leftover Swiss and the last inch of a pepperoni

Plum tomatoes with baby mozzarella, in Italian dressing

Blood Orange Soda

Plus, while shopping, 1 Gorgonzola stuffed olive, and 1 blue-cheese stuffed olive, from the olive bar.

Now for the disappointing part:

Conni-Slice of cheese Pizza
CJay-Chicken Noodle soup
Conner-Salt Bagel
Gavin-Cheese Pizza

Seriously, where is the joy in that?

Per Matt's Request

2009-03-12T14:05:00.000-04:00

I found this recipe on our Big Oven program. I couldn't find the author's name...enjoy!!

White Bean Chicken Chili

Very quick and satifying meal for cool weather. One of our family favorites. Re-heats well.

Recipe By:
Serving Size: 4
Cuisine: American
Main Ingredient: Chicken
Categories: Dinner, Chicken, American, Winter, Quick, Spicy, Soup, Main Dish

-= Ingredients =-
2 tablespoon Olive oil
1 large Onion
4 large Garlic cloves
1 tablespoon Ground Cumin
1 teaspoon Dried Oregano
1/2 teaspoon Anise seed
1/2 teaspoon ground Cumin
1/2 teaspoon Dried Red Pepper
1 pound Boneless chicken breasts
3 cans (15oz.) Cannellini Beans
1 cup Chicken broth
1 can (7oz) Diced Green Chilies
1/2 cup Whipping cream
Grated Sharp Cheddar Cheese
Chopped fresh Cilantro

-= Instructions =-
Chop onion and garlic. Cut up chicken in to bite size pieces. Saute onions, garlic. cumin, oregano. anise seed and dried red pepper in olive oil for 5 mins. Push aside and add chicken and saute for another 5 minutes.
Add beans (with liquid), broth, chilies and cream, simmer until chicken is tender about 10 mins.

Top with cheese and cilantro.

Not Very Nice

2009-03-10T19:52:00.000-04:00

So...I was just reading my last post and have to admit that it wasn't very Conni like. I think I was really frustrated when I wrote that, but it happens. Now you guys have seen the evil side of me. :0

Pet Peeves

2009-03-09T10:43:00.001-04:00

So I've decided to write some of my own...

1. Organizations calling for money over the phone.

I know they can't tell how much we give to the church, but I kind of wished it would pop up with their outbound call center phone list. Then, maybe they wouldn't give me attitude when I politely say I'm not interested. Who knows...maybe we should be giving to every single person who calls for a donation so that WE can go broke and then get government assistance.

2. Let's just go with the whole housing market and all the lingo that goes with it.

We are FINALLY able to break into the housing market in Ashburn and of course we are biding on forclosures and short sale properties. We get excited when we see a house we could live with and after deciding to put in an offer we find out there are "multiple contracts" on it already. I think our first attempt there were like 6 or 7 already on the place. So who is benefiting from the market at this time??? No really, I'd like to know.

More to come...

Conni is a GREAT cook

2009-03-06T21:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight was our ward's chili cookoff, which was a judged event. This is one of my favorite ward parties, no hokey stuff, just food and people hanging out. Not that there wasn't pressure, Conni won best mild chili last year, and this year she was hoping to repeat her success with white chicken chili. The competition is friendly, but still fairly intense. No one makes any apologies for trying to win, but everyone is pleasant about it, too.

For the setup...I got home at 5:40, we had to be at the church for CJay's Arrow of Light ceremony at 6pm. Conni was frantically trying to open cans without a can opener, Gavin having thrown away our good one, and our backup was bent and broken. The boys were trying their best to help, grating cheese and pouring the whipping cream. Conni was a whirlwind of culinary ninjitry, Iron Chef right in our kitchen. She literally poured the hot chili from the stove into the crock pot on our way out the door, grabbing cheese and cilantro on the way.

Conni threw the chili into the car, as I helped get the kids strapped in, and we were gone.

Conni and I put the cliantro and cheese in the pot just before the judging, and we were worried that the judges would know whose was whose, but it didn't seem to be a big deal. Then it was time to eat and relax, as well as taste the chili for the first time. Conni didn't even have time to sample the chili before the judging.

The event itself was good, we met some new people, and then the judges had the results. Conni took second place!

I spoke with the judges after the event, and they said that she would have won, but they each took a point or two off for not being a traditional chili! Not too shabby for a 1/2 hour effort, finished at the very last second.

Conni said that the boys were a tremendous help, and they were proud of their mom's success, too. I was disappointed, there was no chili left for me to take to work!

Arguing with the professor

2009-03-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

If you are reading this blog, you probably know that I think I am always right, and that I will defend my point until you prove me wrong. All done in a gentle and kind way, of course.

My database management professor was up at the board explaining the procedure for database normalization. It's that good of a class. But he was saying things that didn't exactly jive with the textbook. I quietly questioned him about that during a later portion of the class, and he kind of shrugged off my question. I returned to my seat, and repeated over and over to myself "Why are you here? Just to get a grade, just to get a grade". The mantra calmed me down, until the professor asked me to step to the board and demonstrate to the rest of the class. I said "Sure, but you aren't going to like it". I proceeded to step through the normalization process, but in a different way. And when he questioned my procedure, I quoted from the book, which I had the foresight to bring up with me, and explained that I thought his method was unnecessarily torturous.

I then proceeded to show that I could get the correct answer with half the trouble. Yes, always making friends, that's me.

He demonstrated his process AGAIN. And I finally got it. His method was more difficult, but it was also more reliable. I acknowledged his database mastery quite magnanimously to the rest of the class. And then I helped him fix his car in the parking lot, so I think we are friends again.

Healthy as Horses

2009-02-23T12:40:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to report that we are all FINALLY healthy! Now, some of you might not think this is news worthy, but we've had quite the winter...down with the sickness. :)

Midterm Results

2009-02-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

I just took my Database Management midterm yesterday, and I was pretty nervous. I had been taking classes that don't require midterms (English, and a programming class, all project based), and I hadn't taken a big test in a while. The test wasn't that hard, but was fairly challenging, one answer came down to a properly placed semicolon, and the professor used obscure terms rather than ones in common usage. And I CRUSHED it. All the questions, even the extra credit ones. I was done so fast the professor offered to grade it right there, and he had a note of disbelief in his voice when he told me I aced the test. So, that was a good day.

Temporal Disconnect

2009-02-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

I had a very unusual experience lately, and I thought I would share it with you all. I was telling an Army story about a friend who dislocated his pelvis on a jump, and it took 6 months to find the problem and have his pelvis re-located (that makes it sound like his pelvis was lost). This lead to a desire to try to look him up again, as we had been fairly close. He and his wife used to invite me over for dinner and not tell me they had invited the priest, as well. We were also roommates in language school, classmates in AIT, and in the same company in the tactical battalion. Oh, and we performed together once, he singing, and me on the piano, at a formal event.

So I googled his name, which I had tried before, but this time I got a newspaper article about his death. The article was almost 3 years old. I was kind of upset, because he was one of the few guys I had tried to get in touch with. I guessed that his wife would move back to where they were from, so I did some internet magic and came up with her number. I got in touch with her, and we had a very nice chat, but it was really odd. I had only known about Josh's death for about 30 minutes, and it was raw and painful. It had been three years for her, and she had moved on and was doing fine. She had even started dating again. Here I was, expressing my condolences to someone telling me jokes, and remembering fun stuff we had done! It was heartwarming in the end, and she invited me up with my family to visit, just outside of Pittsburgh. She is REALLY interested to meet Conni, and can't believe I have kids.

Here is the article on Josh, if you are interested, or morbidly curious:

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/cityregion/s_452715.html

A Little Lesson in DC Power

2009-02-11T22:44:00.000-05:00

This happened several weeks ago, but I have been pretty busy, and Conni is always on the laptop. In her defense, it is her laptop. On with the story...

Most of you know that I work in a lab with fairly large network equipment. Part of my testing involves power failures and recovery, as well as redundancy. On this lovely Monday morning, I was testing the power conditioning units in a chassis. All computers (including laptops, desktops, servers and network appliances) run on DC power. We don't have DC power feeds in our lab, because it is expensive, dangerous, and the line loss is pretty high over anything longer than about 30 feet. So we run AC to the rack, and have a rectifier turn the AC into DC. To give you an idea of the amount of power, the rectifier takes four (4) AC inputs, and has two DC outputs, one for each power conditioning unit in the chassis. I can picture everyone (but mostly brooke) with their eyes glazed over. On with the story!

I had to simulate a power outage, and remove the PCU from the chassis. Being a belt AND suspenders kind of guy around electricity (hi Matt!) I decided that I would not only turn off the switch in the PCU, but also disconnect the PCU from the rectifier. The smart course would have been to remove the power cord from the PCU, but I wasn't sure that the cord (DC, remember?) didn't have exposed prongs, and I didn't want to be waving live DC around in one hand while I fiddled around with the PCU with the other. So I disconnected power from the side of the rectifier which fed the PCU (which is about the size of a shoebox) and then turned off the PCU with a switch, and went to remove it from the chassis.

Now the exciting part--a very large arc as the PCU in my hand grounded itself to the chassis, about 6 inches in front of my eye. I couldn't see very well, as the spark left a fairly good-sized afterimage, so I exited the lab (in a bit of a hurry) and grabbed one of the other engineers to assist. I believe I said something like "I can't see very well, and we need to isolate power from rack 7 before we have a fire or someone gets hurt". We very carefully removed the remaining AC leads from the rectifier, which isolated the chassis entirely, and surveyed the damage. The arc had eaten a hole in the side of the chassis about the size of a dime.

In the post-mortem, we decided that the rectifier had a common bus. That means that all four AC power supplies lead to one common DC feed, which then split into two cables, one for each PCU. So my disconnecting two AC cords didn't really do anything. But, you ask, what about turning the PCU off at the switch? Surely that means there was no power to the PCU? Well, there was no power THROUGH the PCU, but there was still power to the switch. And it turns out that I brushed the hot power lead to the switch against the side of the chassis, which completed the circuit.

Something funny did happen later. My boss, his boss (a director named Scott, he reminds me of Dad) and I were discussing the event, and Scott said "Well, we aren't going to run this test anymore, let the vendors do it." My boss, Raj, said something like "After we initially qualify a chassis, there is no need to run this test again." Scott said "Didn't you hear me? We are NEVER running this test again. It isn't worth having an engineer smoking and twitching on the floor." Which still makes me kind of giggle. BTW, I stopped by the Lab Manager, and thanked him personally for ensuring the chassis were grounded to the racks, and the racks themselves grounded. Do you want to know why everything was grounded? I had picked up some stray voltage some months previously, questioned why the racks weren't grounded to spec, and stopped testing until they got fixed. True.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick

2009-02-04T20:23:00.000-05:00

If anyone hasn't heard about our September, Karl and I ended up getting Bronchitis and the boys came down with bad colds and coughs. I swear that whole month someone in our house was sick. I thought we'd paid our dues...WRONG.

In December, Gavin got shots and his 2 year check-up. The doctor asked me about getting flu mists for both Conner and Gavin. (I've always thought they MADE you sick instead of preventing it.) I felt like a horrible mother declining the doctor's insistence that I have them administered. I eventually was brow-beat into doing it and we were off.

Along comes January 25th...I woke up very early with the stomach flu. I was out the whole day with things coming out both directions, it lasted 24 hours. I thought luck was with me because I was sick on Sunday, therefore I didn't have to miss my babysitting duties the next day...again I was WRONG.

Thursday morning came along and CJay and Karl came down with the same thing I had 4 days prior. I had to "call in" sick and kept all babies that weren't mine away.
Thursday night came and I thought we were in the clear because at least that darn flu mist was going to pay off after all because Conner and Gavin hadn't gotten sick. Think again!!!! Gavin started in at 11PM just as I was getting into bed and I was up with him most of the night.

My 4 hours of sleep ended dreadfully Friday morning when I woke up to Conner throwing up. I "called in sick" again and my babysitting duty had to accompany his mother to work that day (add guilt to the party). Mind you...Karl was still not feeling well so he couldn't help with the children and so I had 3 sickos (probably not the best word)to take care of. One bright spot was that CJay was feeling great and went to school that day.

Saturday comes and we were all beginning to feel normal. (Sigh)

Sunday came and after I attended Stake Conference I came home with a migraine that lasted until I feel asleep that night. I guess I'd had too much stress recently or something.

Monday morning I woke without a headache, which I was extremely grateful for, but I came down with a sore throat later that day.

Tuesday I still had the sore throat, but I now had started to develop a horrible stuffy nose.

Today, Wednesday, I still can't breathe and I just want to shoot myself! Okay, not really.

Btw, Karl was both an excellent nurse when I was sick and patient when he was sick. What would I do without him.

Apostle Stake Conference

2009-02-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

Our stake conference was last weekend and it was awesome! We had a visiting apostle, Dallin H. Oaks, and he gave an amazing talk. Before conference started, Elder Oaks took 30 minutes to walk throughout the chapel to shake and make eye-contact with everyone he could. (I got to shake his hand twice, it was exciting :) I was very impressed with his kindness. I was talking with my mom about the experience last night and she mentioned that somewhere in our genealogy we are related to Elder Oaks. Sure is a small world.

Happy Much?

2009-01-27T21:25:00.000-05:00

I was going through some old pictures and found these gems...

Another Comedian in the Family???

2009-01-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

Well, Gavin has recently showed signs of a funny streak in his personality. We put him to bed Sunday night and he wouldn't go to sleep so Karl went up to get him. Next thing I know, he came downstairs carring a baby with no pants or diaper on. Karl said it was dark and didn't notice before he came downstairs. It wasn't the little piker's last stint either...the next morning I went in to get him up and he was standing in his crib with no pants or diaper again. I have no idea when it came off this time, but everything was wet so I spent the day washing.

I really hope this isn't a sign of his future.

January Update

2009-01-21T08:16:00.000-05:00

We have been really busy this month so I haven't had time to post lately.

Karl started school last Tuesday at Strayer University and is working hard to stay out of danger at work. I am now tending 2 kids during the day along with cleaning, cooking and scouts. CJay is looking forward to his 11th birthday next Monday and we've been trying to get finished with his Arrow of Light and 4 other pins for Webelos. Conner has been busy getting under CJay's skin and upsetting Gavin. Gavin is now showing his age...he has entered the terrible twos with a side of happiness every now and again. As a family, we have been out looking for homes the past week and it is a very unpleasant task.

The city has been bustling with all the people in for the inauguration and I will be glad when things are back to normal again. It's been really cold here and it even snowed a little on Monday. We were so excited about the 1 inch of snow! We even got to use our 4-wheel drive in the 4Runner!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-23T14:09:00.000-05:00

We wanted to take a few minutes out of our busy schedules to wish our friends and family a very Merry Christmas. We feel extremely blessed, at this time of year, as we remember Christ's birth and the sacrifice he made for us.

We hope the holiday season finds you healthy and happy. Best wishes throughout the New Year!

xoxo
Karl, Conni, CJay, Conner and Gavin

Just for Fun

2008-12-22T14:54:00.000-05:00

I borrowed this idea from a friend of mine from church...thanks Rebecca! I thought it was pretty interesting.

*There are fewer than 1,530 people in the U.S. with the first name Conni.
*There are 232,522 people in the U.S. with the last name Harrison.
*Statistically the 115th most popular last name.
*There are fewer than 337 people in the U.S. with the last name Mackris.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
1
or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A.

http://howmanyofme.com">How many have your name?

A Night Out With Grandpa

2008-12-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful dinner tonight with Grandpa Harrison. He is in town for business, which seems to be quite often the past few months. We LOVE it! It is so nice to have family in the area visiting us.

This is an open invitation to anyone who wants to come see this part of the country. We'd love to have you, show you around and lock you in our basement so you can't leave. J/K...we don't have a basement, the first floor bathroom will have to do (picture a roomier version of Harry Potter's pad under the stairs).

What a man, what a mighty good man!!

2008-12-09T22:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you all know this, especially Karl's siblings, but I wanted to share with you just how wonderful I think my husband is.

We went to bed last night and I wasn't feeling well. I had a doctor's appointment at 9AM scheduled for this morning in downtown D.C. and I was not looking forward to it...not to mention I wasn't completely prepared with my insurance calculations. I slept horrible and woke up feeling worse than I did last night. Karl had originally taken the day off to cover watching our kids and the little boy I babysit for the morning. I ended up canceling the appointment and sleeping on the couch most of the day while Karl:

watched the kids during the day
made breakfast and lunch
got Conner off to school
did my daily chores, which included; vacuuming the house, sweeping/mopping the kitchen, laundry and cleaning 2 bathrooms
took CJay to school to meet with his teacher in my place
picked up dinner from Ruby Tuesdays and
watched our kids again so I could attend Enrichment

He is a wonder! Thank you so much to my father and mother-in-law for raising such a fine husband. Thank you, thank you, thank you Karl for treating me like a queen. I feel so lucky to have you in my life!

Sleeping Beauty

2008-12-06T11:52:00.000-05:00

Conner found a sleep mask under his bathroom sink the other day and asked if he could use it. CJay called me into their room right before he went to bed that night and I went in to see what all the fuss was about. There, lying in bed was Conner, fast asleep with the mask on. I had no idea when he asked me to use it that he would ACTUALLY use it. It worked though...he was asleep at a record fast pace that night. I had originally thought that he was just really tired.

The other photo was taken in June 07. At that time, Conner had developed a crazy habit of making a sleeping bag out of his pillow case...with the pillow still inside. Who knows, maybe he will patent the idea when he's older and make millions!

Conner's Birthday

2008-12-02T21:10:00.000-05:00

I broke down and decided to post some pictures of Conner on his birthday. He is just so dang cute! His official birthday was October 7, 2008. (He is so photogenic)

Things I Never Thought My Kids Would Say...

2008-11-29T14:45:00.000-05:00

This post will be an open ended one that we will add to as time goes by. Karl and I were thinking the other day that our kids say some really funny things (mostly Conner).

This is dedicated to our 3 little men:

1. Karl, CJay and Conner were cleaning off stickers from some old school lockers that were given to us. They were using rubbing alcohol and fingernail polish remover, which we were running low on. From the bathroom I heard Conner say, "Mom, we need to buy some more alcohol because we are out."

Thanksgiving Eatin'

2008-11-28T14:37:00.000-05:00

We had a great Thanksgiving day...cooking up a storm and eating. In fact, we didn't get a chance to post yesterday because we were so full that we would have fat fingered any kind of message and then we would have had to translate and it would have been a HUGE mess!
We are finally getting hungry again and I am thinking about all the great food we ate yesterday. We hosted an orphans Thanksgiving dinner at our church with one other family attending.

The menu included: 20 lb Turkey, candied yams, mashed potatoes/gravy, green bean casserole, sausage/apple and cranberry stuffing, regular stuffing, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce and 3 pies (pumpkin, cherry and peach). I believe that was everything.

We had a great time, but really missed spending time with our families. We wish everyone well at this time of year and hope you all had a great Thanksgiving day.

ps. We didn't take any pictures of anything this year...I guess we were just too busy or holding out until we get Karl's birthday camera.

Another Birthday?

2008-11-26T20:15:00.000-05:00

Yes, November is a very busy month for us when it comes to family milestones. Karl and I celebrated our 8th anniversary on the 10th, Gavin's birthday was last Friday and Karl's birthday is today.
We've had a great time spending the day together as a family. Karl and I got to sleep in a little, which was much appreciated. We went to IHOP in Leesburg and drove through town looking at the homes for sale. We were just pre-approved for a home loan yesterday and we are so excited to get going on the search! At noon it was finally time for some birthday shopping. This year Karl insisted on getting presents that were geared towards the family. (that is how wonderful he is) So "he" got a new digital camera, 2 copies of the Lich King and some CD's. I'm also in the process of making him a birthday pie.
I got a little scared today when we stopped for some fountain drinks at Burger King and I surprised Karl by blowing the wrapper off my straw right into his face and it hit just below his eye. Normally this is a trick of Karl's so I got him really good with his own medicine. As I was profusely apologizing and laughing (quietly on the inside) he said, "I am crying tears of blood and you are laughing at me and haven't even said you're sorry." Then...here's the part that was scary...he told me that he was going to "tell" on me by blogging about it. I knew at that moment that our blog was our virtual parents.
On a serious note, I want to publicly wish him a very Happy Birthday and let him know how much he is loved and appreciated at home. He is so many things and we are so lucky to have him as our dad/husband!

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we have so much to be thankful for.

The Cutest Things

2008-11-25T19:34:00.001-05:00

Kids are so amazing! They do and say the funniest things. I was sitting at the kitchen table before dinner tonight and I was going over a recipe for peach pie. (I'm going to attempt to make one for Karl's birthday tomorrow.) I looked up and Gavin was walking into the kitchen with CJay and Conner's gameboy chargers and ear phones hanging from his neck. He was smiling from ear to ear and thought he was so funny. I see now that he's got his father's sense of humor. I took some pictures that I will have to post later.
He is getting quite the personality and I enjoy just watching him toddle around the house "fixing" things like he was on the job. I absolutely love our kids!

Gavin is 2!!!

2008-11-21T13:30:00.000-05:00

At this time 2 years ago, I was at the hospital in labor with Gavin. I was so happy in that moment, even through all the pain.
Now I know him as a little man and he is such a sweet spirit in our home. It is so fun to get to know his personality and I feel blessed that Heavenly Father sent him to our family.
We were able to spend most of the day yesterday with Grandpa Harrison while he was in town and we had a great time at the mall shopping for Gavin's presents. I've wrapped them up, picked up his cake, and he's taking a nap before his older brothers get home.
We are going to Chuck E. Cheese for a couple of hours this afternoon. (Yes, it isn't just for Gavin today...Karl needs his fun too.) All the boys have a great time when we go there. We are just enjoying the day.

First with a photo!

2008-11-19T16:24:00.000-05:00

Not that our marriage is a competition, but I REALLY wanted to be first with a photo. So, here you can see my desk. Notice the non-corporate approved external HD hiding under the monitor (it's a green circle). I am such a non-conformist. Also, note the lovely picture of my wife.

Remember when Mom used to send us to sit in the corner? Guess where my cube is!!

Also, I would have a really nice view out the window, if only it weren't blocked by my soul-sucking cubicle wall.

If you are into odd things in the above picture, on the very left you can see a smoke grenade canister used as a pen holder, and behind it one of the very first cable modems in production. It has a steel case with heat-sink fins, and it weighs about 12 pounds. It is behind and to the left of the phone.

New at This

2008-11-14T10:37:00.000-05:00

After many months of wanting to start a blog and seeing the cute page of a friends, I've decided to start one for the Harrisons in Virginia. Hopefully it will be a better way to keep our family and friends updated with our whereabouts, howabouts and way cute pictures!

Enjoy